這張無題，原因是我不懂要怎麽的一個概念去寫這一篇。

昨晚很突然的，和久違的朋友問起了一個生病的朋友，
從他們口中我才知道，自己是多麽的失敗，多麽的惡劣的一個人

不止這位生病的朋友對我們有一點失望，我對我自己也非常的失望

他，是個自尊心強烈的男生，很好勝很有沖頸的一个人
這不代表他不友善，反而擁有很多好朋友
從中學認識他到現在，在我心目中他是個很陽光的男孩
蹦蹦跳跳，好運動好學的一個人
中一的時候，被一位學姐一直說我跟他很相配，然而我們都不怎麽跟對方說話的
因爲那時我暗戀著另一個男生，有一陣子還蠻納悶干嘛那位學姐一直説一直説

畢業過後，我們各走各的生活，是極少聯絡的
畢業的這五年，我都堅持一個習慣，就是每年初二的第一站都要到我家聚一聚，然後再到別人家拜年
前三年，我們這一班又有一個習俗，每年廿九晚上都要有我們自己的除夕夜
每年我都會私下短訊他，他才會到
其餘的時間，圍繞身邊的都是比較熟的朋友，或者是男朋友
多餘的精力除了男朋友還是男朋友

我以爲，這就是我珍惜友情的一种表達
因爲大家都像我這樣，有自己的生活要過
不再像中學那樣，把友情看得過重，
我很清楚我必須面對現實的生活
然而，有時閒的話，會跟好姐妹們去泡吧，聊聊心事

我以爲，朋友做到像我這樣，已經很難得的了
但事實証明我是個多麽失敗的一個朋友
兩年了，他沒到我家拜年已經兩年了，我渾然不知
我卻以爲我們生疏了，完全不把這件事放在心上

兩年前他生病，現在我才知道他的嚴重性
朋友透露說，他有一點失望，因爲我們一聲関心的問候語都沒有
我想了一整個晚上，情況換是我的話，我不止是失望，我會絕望

有男朋友又如何？是我們的最後一個男人嗎？
把大多數的時間放在男朋友身上又怎樣？誰能保證他永遠不會抛棄我們？
有夢想又如何？
夢想成真卻沒人和你分享這份喜悅一切都是枉然
有自己的工作生活，忙到要命又如何？
朋友忘記你的存在，而你的朋友繼續有他們自己想要珍惜一輩子的朋友

最後，我還是股起勇氣打了電話給他，
不管他蓋我電話也好，不接受我的問候也好，甚至我還很擔心他會把我罵得一滴不剩，
我還是打了
他說，他對我們這一班真的很失望
他要的只不過是兩個字，関心而已
聼到這裡，我的眼淚不自覺的打滾，好自責好自責

是啊，這麽簡單的関心，我怎麽就做不到呢？
我擔心那麽多無謂的事情干嘛?
情況換是我的話，就算我拿朋友發脾氣，再怎麽難過無法面對也好，
我都好希望朋友會對我不離不棄


如果今天的你發現有一些人很需要你，請不要吝嗇你的時間和関心
幫不到也好，至少讓他知道連一个不熟的你不曾放棄過他，
讓他也不要放棄他自己。


筆，
姍

Old man went outstation so frequently in these few month. Last week went to Melaka, and this week went to Kedah. God knows how much i hate about his frequency of outstation. Why can't his company just gets fire?

Sometimes i wish to write a diary, i don't want to forget how i was when i am young if i'm so old,
until my memories gets disappear day by day and couldn't recognize anyone.
I watched the recent HK drama, called Season of Love. It makes me realizes how important the memory is.
I don't want to forget the sweetness moment with old man, even though he is the one who makes me laugh and cry badly. And i hate to forget how i called him, how i mention him in front my friends: Old Man.

I laugh loudly when he said he similar like a puppy, I used to ignore him but he still 'shake' his ass and show up at my door.
I cry badly when he talked like a gangster and doesn't feel any sympathy of my tears. :'(

There's so much memory i hate to forget and i know i'll forget one day.

One day, old man and i might not love each other anymore, we may hate each other so much when we old, like my grandparents.
I may do many of scolding, complaining as well and he may just sit aside & read newspaper try to ignore me, like my parent.

But if when i'm dying, i wish to remember these laugh and cry moments.
And not a sympathy old woman just forget everything.



xoxo
Ysan




Ps: no doubt Love hurts sometimes, and makes us don't trust love anymore. But with those scars doesn't mean we don't need responsible for people who loving us. Flirting doesn't wrong, but also need responsible. This is the lesson i learn few years ago. Appreciate the people who loves us, caring us, don't get  regret again. Who knows what is happening tomorrow?