就今天，讓我好好放肆

[原來愛與不愛誰也不能置身事外 昨天明天都抵不過一個現在 我們都該學著對自己坦白 曾經愛過痛過哭過笑過都是種精采]

你是否也一樣
無意閒聼到一首歌，覺得好聽但沒真正去聼就把它下載了
一直到重復播放然後到仔細聼歌詞，
突然眼睛好酸，覺得活著好累


幾久了，有那麽一首歌可以讓你掉淚
當你已經為了生活改變自己，忘了最初的自己
忘了追求，忘了夢想，甚至抛棄了希望
一味地追尋每個人都想要的也最實際的：金錢


當我發覺我愛錯了，我才發現他不曾離開
是我要求變多了，我想要多了，變貪心了
我並沒那能力去改變一個人，就算他愛我
感情出現裂痕，我只會逃，不會修


可笑的是，感情上我比任何人來的執著
這是任何人想都想不到的，我會這麽的頑石


一個人，會想通很多事，也會想歪很多事
一首歌，會讓人哭得沒心沒肺，也會治好一個人心靈


今天很想真誠地對待自己，不想為難自己配合這個社會
不想要這麽辛苦自己了
今天，就今天，讓我好好放肆



晚安
姍筆

[̲̅ə̲̅٨̲̅٥̲̅٦̲̅]

I haven't see him for 5 days due to his busy duty. It's good not to seeing him, cause i was having bad cough last few days. Today is better, at least hot water helps.

Did i mention i love to hang out at SCM (setia city mall), 

somehow this mall is just a lot better than other mall in KL. 

Not to forget the Starbucks there is much more comfortable than other branch. 

JJBT's Starbucks just sucks. Opps, sorry mk... XDD

No idea what he did. Somehow, this guy just complete me.
 In his shadow, i find strong & secure arm which always open for me.
Just me =)

Old man is very fail at holding camera. Just noob!
 He don't even know what is my best angle after so many years with me. 

******************

The latest married couple in my family. 

Can't believe my notti brother is officially married now. Especially with such gorgeous girl.

I seriously have no idea what's good in him. I don't understand why Xiao Min loves him so much and would like to spend her whole life with such man.

Don't misunderstanding. I'm not saying my cousin is a not responsible guy, in fact, he is responsible guy and willing to take care of his love with his life. He would rather die if she leaves him. *IF*

But, i never heard they argue for separation once before since they've dated each other so many years.

For my info, they got together since Xiao Min was form 3. OMG, seriously long relationship weih!!!!

Hmm, what i mean is, my bro is the bully in my family. He hide my specs when i was primary school. 

Yaya, i'm a 4-eye girl since primary ok..

I cried for my specs and he rather laughed aside and don't want return to me.

He is the one who showed us the A disc.

 HA! Can u imagine when i was in standard two,  i've no idea how he found the discs from the adults and he opened it in front of the families.

The kids (us) and the adults were actually enjoyed watching frankly. HAHHA!

Not forget to mention, he also the one who taught us smoke.

He stole grandpa's smoke's ingredient and rolled with newspaper.

Force each of us smoke and we were like the stupidia seriously listened to him.

C'on! what's good at him! He is a bully. And he actually married with a pretty girl.

It's just unbelievable!

HOWEVER, yeah, something good at him after all,

After all he did, what he been through with this girl, i'm sure the process isn't easy.

From disagreement until the agreement between the both families & parent,

i'm sure we can't see more in our generation. They been through these however.

Alright. Pen off here now.

Good night.

Kisses, xoxo

Ysan

Ps: Being true person or wearing a mask? I'm sure i can't manage do best in both. What i can do best is, i can be a true friend, a loving girlfriend, a good daughter, a responsible sister, a best wife ever, a sweet mother ever. These i'm sure. I can be the better person of myself, keep improving. But with those haters or stranger or hi-bye friend, i'm sorry i'm not treating u with warm heart and open arm. Because i just don't care. I may be rude and mean or just being true or just wearing a mask.  =) Because i don't care.

What the hell!

What the hell!
Flu and sore throat comes together.
Blame the weather, changes so fast and sudden. =(
But today is better. I feel warm & healthy, except i'm dying for water at the midnight.
And doesn't has the guts go downstairs fills the empty bottle. *i'm coward, =(*



*******



I'm always wondering, why people nowadays keep using the short form word : LOL
It means Lough Out Loud.


I still hate it, still do very much.
Although i know it means nothing, harmless, it just a replacement of HAHAHA!
BUT I DON'T FEEL ANY FUNNY ELEMENT INSIDE WHEN SOMEBODY REPLY ME 'LOL'.
I couldn't laugh out loud at all. There's no HAHAHA come out through my mouth. *i tried trust me, just fake HAHAHA?!*



I almost requested every of my friend, don't use 'LOL' in front of me.
For me, its superb mean and i would think they are trying to humiliating me.
Think too much i know, just i mention before, i tried to HAHAHA, but DO NOT WORK.

And what they expect me to reply? 'LOL' back?  ==!!! sweat lor weih~



Normally i use 'LOL' when i sick of someone or, i wanna shoot somebody for being so called 'arrogant'.
I couldn't help. I want that person know that i'm so sick of him.
So when i use 'LOL' reply your comment or messages, it mean danger is approaching towards you! HA! *I'm kidding XD*



Sorry, i just personally don't like it. Don't use that in front of me k?



***********************



As my last post mention before, my cousin wedding is on this coming Sunday.
I still haven't decide yet what should i wearing.
Or should I go for boutique survey survey? =)    Sounds good?



Hmm, i think that's all.
Will not let my blog dying again, promised. ^^,








Kisses xoxo
Ysan.


Ps: Old man at Singapore now. I miss him! God, public hols still need outstation huh? Fuck the god damn CEO!

Love & Beauty

I'm here! Since i got nothing to do/ no place to go due to Deepavali sake.

For your information, my cousin's wedding is on this Sunday. 

The wedding preparation, the house renovation were a headache for the past few months.

The wedding dinner expected to have thousand people in a hall since my family is BIG!

And i'm officially crazy after typed & printed so MANY  red covers!

Thanks to my dar in advance. He purposely apply working leave for helping us.

I'm glad to have him. Me always the lucky one, agree? =D

I attended the bride's side wedding last Saturday.

Had my hair washed at one of the BBT's saloon & i Love it!

My look for bride's side dinner @ 10 Nov'12

My parent ♥♥♥

Me and my cousin in law. She is gorgeous isn't it?



********

 The next day, date with old man since we haven't go out alone after he back from Kuching.

He is going to Singapore this Tuesday by the way.

Burn down the airport again huh? Nope, they can't manage to buy a ticket.

How much i wish his company car can't start engine this time! ><

♥❤ He never fail to make me smile, to bring me happiness.
He said, I'm the only friend, the family, the lover for him. I'm touched. =)

Can't believe i don't a lipstick right? Especially girl nowadays pretty much has a lipstick on side.
Seriously, i don't have one until yesterday.
I found these at Forever 21. I love the color so much & looking for these color such a long time.
Finally i found them. With a brand and quality.
Of course, old man paid them for me =DD


Yea, that's all for the weekend. Wait for my next updates. Bye~

Xoxo

Ysan

Ps: Suddenly i'm flu... Anything can cure except medicine?

Pss: My life is great with old man. Sometimes he makes me pissed, but that's life. =)

Okie, call me a show-off bitch. Check out my Santa Barbara Polo which is from old man. Technically i haven't get the shirt yet. He bought it when he outstation-ed to Kuching and i'm going to get it by tonight!

Why do always people gets jealous when we can show off since we are young and passionate? Its ok to show if it doesn't hurt anyone and besides, my actual purpose is to get some new updates for my dying blog. That's sad i opened a blog and no one actually read it due to serious lack of info and colors.

And yes, FYI, he went to Kuching last Saturday. Makes me frustrated enough because old man was just came back from Penang not long ago. Just 5 days. Is his CEO a debt ghost or what? Can't he just go to hell now? I can't believe i just type that =O 

**

There's always people just make me weak, or trying to make me weak in some way somehow.
Hang out with mk few days ago, and she told me she'll strong after she hang out with me and talked with me everytime.
I made her strong.  Wonder what magic i have huh? Well, i'm loss as well. Please tell me why?

After then i went back, i realized i don't always question people. But they did question me a lot.
I always stand on their shoes and imagine the feelings they had through, and then i tell them its ok. Not big deal. I accept who they are, understand why they feeling this way.
Why there's no one around me telling me its ok? To be who i am always being all time when they needed me.
Maybe i just sucks at express my own emotion, and true feelings.

People around me always said they know me well, i got nothing to worry. And they think they know me so well enough? My behavior my personality... o0o!!
The thing is, i never know myself so well like they did. Ironic isn't it?
c'on, they don't even know what i been through!  Diploma frens? Gah, know nothing.
Even my closest friend (check out my fb) ever, she has no idea.
So secondary frens, ehen, one of the guy of the gang keep telling me he know me 100 percent.
BIG BIG o0o for him!

Maybe u could say i'm wearing a mask. But i would rather say i don't trust people even i cared about them.



Its time to pen off. Gotta sleep! Night cha!


xoxo
Ysan



Ps: it's time to start fresh. should i?

Octoberfest?

Too many thing wants to share here, but due to my many many days of laziness, i choose to used the time to sleep instead of blogging. Gah, i'm lying which i used the time spent on drama  Plus, i don't like the new layout of blogger. Any idea to change back to old version? =(

Okok, too many craps i know. Recently spent time with jimui and BEERS almost every weekends.
But not this week, coz i'm having my period.
Gain some weight on this year, but good thing is, my period back to normal and sensitive nose somehow get cure by itself without any VITAMINs and MEDs. magically~~
Which i don't need go for clinic so often like last time.

Of course, i'll continue jogging and diet to keep my standard size of body.
I know the feelings being fat, which i can't fit the beautiful and gorgeous clothes.
Very frustrating sometimes! i know! That's the point.
So, fat people out there, please try ur very hard effort to diet. DON'T FIND EXCUSEs FOR URSELF!
Like i can't stand the hunger, i'll gastric, i'll pengsan, my period won't come if i don't eat.
Please lah! don't be so pathetic and bullshit.
U able to enlarge ur stomach, then u got the ability to make it smaller which start from medium to small portion of meal.
Please don't get mad if people call u fatty, because u are.
Please don't blame the god for nobody loving u or people treat u bad, because u didn't love urself at first.
I seriously don't see any healthy sign on fat people. They always feel the dizziness, scare of the sun, can't even climb/run/even walk faster, for examples which i seen days ago, one of my relatives's bro sudden having heart attack and some blood vessel cracked. Now stayed at the ICU and haven't go through the danger period. He even getting marry on next month. Just a day different with my cousin.
I seen how they eat the food, and i felt like wanna to puke.
They are fat and they just keep eating! keep suck the food into their mouth.
like they got nothing to eat last life.
Yes, the hunger and all the diets are very suffer.
But, u're the one who responsible about what u ate and ur health. Not ur parents, not ur husband or boyfriend.
So who are u going to blame? blame urself then.

Ok, i'm mad. I've met alot of people, they know they're fat, but they don't have strength to keep fit.
they thought diet for a day/ 2 days/ a week is very enough for them.And they'll never get slim.
Hello, if that's easy, i don't need jogging liao!

Skip this!****



As i mentioned before, life with jimuis and beerss...
The stranger clubbers/drinkers said they seldom see a bunch of girls which known each other from secondary school can actually go out together and BEERS some more.
Well, this feature started from me and choykwan. =P
We both often go out library drink a tower and talk for whole night. Just two of us.
Why don't asked others? Gah, long story.
We were much more enjoy if just two of us. Specific reason is there so i can tell =)

 Now, we successfully influenced other kakis. Officially first clubbing with Jes, Kary and Ngiam at @live.
Those guys were trying to talk to us, sat beside me somemore! I kept showed them my very 'fierce' look so that they don't have a chance to spoil our night. Of course, dax and vivian tried their effort to protect us. That's sweet.

Okay, this is latest gathering at Setia Walk, Puchong. Sector 7. With dax's gang.
It's really nice to meet some new friends.. Don't ask me why i'm in relationship and i still drink beer with guy? This is a stupid question.

Hallfest 2012. @ PWTC. On the same day for the night at sector 7, i went to PWTC in the very morning. Wake up at 7a.m, with myself all alone, ktm plus raining day. So u can imagine how bad my day was in this very morning!
My pant was all wet due to the Honda car speed and splash the water all over my legs and others too.
Curse the driver! Go to hell as early as possible!

Came back by 3 something. KTM problem again, the service terminate at klang station! I was like, WANNA KILL SOMEBODY SO BADLY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MALAYSIA! I need to wait another train and HOW LONG STILL THEY WANT ME TO WAIT? FUCK the day! really!

After the whole fucking day, finally got home but then received this fella messages. For his sake, mei kuan need to drive me to the hospital just to see him. Spent 2 hours at the hospital and i feel like fuck the nurse there! His tube was full with blood and the nurse rather used the time to spin the fucking tube. Hello, are they blind or what? the tube was blocked by his blood and they still don't wan to change a new one! I need to request like half an hour with a very black face then they glad to change. F them all! I guessed many patient were dead because of their irresponsible working attitude.


After a long pissing and tiring day, doesn't have much energy left for the beer night.
Still, i drink a lot.
When i said i'm tired, i'm really tired.


Good night.
xoxo
Ysan.


Ps:// Recently become a skin-care freak, and sleeping-freak. I need sleep. A LOT.

Sis Wedding ~ 要幸福哦~！

今年好喜慶，我那‘口愛’的大表姐結婚啦！

以前不斷的想象，她這只母老虎，誰敢娶她？

偉隆表弟還挨過她的籐條，哈哈！

大表姐她，太兇了啦！

不過，人是會成長的

以前坏脾氣的她和現在什麽都不計較的她，

差別真的好大。

看她從拍拖開始，每一段戀情從不酄而散到今天穿上婚紗

好感動好感動

鼻頭還是會酸酸的

真的不舍得她嫁人，不想她嫁進去被家婆或小姑欺負，

若真會，我會拼了命沖到最前面，不顧形象的把那些人教訓一番

最重要的，還是表姐夫一定一定要用他的生命疼她啦！

我的姐，漂亮吧！

新郎怎麽會娶到這樣漂亮這樣好的老婆呢？表姐夫上輩子一定做了一大堆的善事！

為了這個家，婆婆曾經拿菜刀要跟隔壁家干架；她每次和公公去旅行，我都吵著要洋娃娃；婆婆很愛跑，踏著腳車去街場聼人做宣傳也樂此不疲，為了只是那一塊錢的小便宜；她年輕時一定也很美~ 

有其公公婆婆必有其孫女！=D  

男人上輩子一定也做了不少善事。=PP
他時常說他是癩蛤蟆吃天鵝肉
而我時常笑他說，我就像一朵鮮花插在牛糞上


這些，都是外面的人怎麽看，怎麽說我們的話
其實，一個男人如果他不會怎樣疼你不會保護你，你會想跟他過一輩子嗎？
嘴上的甜言蜜語，誰不會？浪漫電視都有教？童話般的愛情就一定有完美結局？

以上的，他都沒有。沒有甜言蜜語，沒有浪漫，更不要說給我未來的保證。
一點也不特別！
就算我怎麽求他放我走，他都很倔強不肯放開我的人。

也許他的臉皮太過厚才有這五年吧！
當然，也要感謝他的臉皮厚



很多人趕著在今年結婚，也讓我有那個沖動想要當新娘
他們影響到我了啦！
但是，不需害怕當不了新娘，路還很長，怕等不到那天嗎？
那天會到的 =）

晚安

姍筆

后記：1）姐，一定要幸福哦！連我的份，要很幸福！受了委屈，這裡的家一定會幫你出頭！

             2）‘你’是驕傲的獅子，臺起你的臉，別為了不珍惜你的人而掉淚

             3）next, 表哥的喜帖，我又要暈了~~ @@ 

This is interesting ~ You just can't WIN!

I found this interesting when i was blog surfing~

Sometimes i have an ridiculous idea on my facebook.
like every time create an album OR update a status,
i want to type this so desperately: HATERS PLEASE DON'T COME IN, I'M NOT WELCOME U TO COMMENT ANY OF MY PICTURES OR STATUS! PLEASE F*** OFF!



If you are anonymous - you must be a fat ugly loser in real life.

If you show your identity and you look ugly - You should do plastic surgery.

If you show your identity and you already did plastic surgery - you are fake and disgusting.

If you are au-natural and pretty - you are still fake coz you put make-up, or must photoshop your pictures.

If you are pretty and don't put make up - it's because you don't know how. Also, you look boring and pale.

If you are pretty and put make up - you are superficial, insecure and shallow. Go save a whale.

If you get popular - you are a famewhore.

If you don't get popular - you are a nobody.

If you get popular and earn money from being popular - you are a sell-out.

If you get popular but don't earn money - you are stupid, and also, who you think you are, so bloody high and mighty?

If you are single and not dating - something's wrong with you.

If you are single and dating - you are a slut.

If you are attached - your boyfriend is either ugly or too good for you.

If you are married - you are a boring housewife.

If you are married with kids - why the fuck are you blogging when you should be looking after your kids? You are a shit mom.

If your partner is rich - you are a gold-digger.

If your partner is poor - you are a unrealistic romantic and if you break up with him for someone who works later on, you are a gold-digger.

If your partner is nice - Don't know what he sees in you.

If your partner is a jerk - You are a moron for dating him in the first place but you deserve no better anyway.

If you keep your life private - you have something to hide and you are a liar.

If you don't keep your life private and your life is sad - What a loser.

If you don't keep your life private and your life is fab - What a show off.

If you don't speak your mind - you are stupid, apathetic and unopinionated.

If you speak your mind - you are ignorant and talking about things you don't know about. You should shut up.

If you are fat - that's the only thing you are. That and disgusting.

If you are skinny - You must be anexoric or bulimic. Also you are making other women feel fat and thus spreading unhealthy weight ideals.

If you are of average weight - You are fat.

If you don't respond to haters - Means what they said must be true and you have nothing to say.

If you respond nicely to haters - They will just have more ammunition and hate you more.

If you respond rudely to haters - You cannot take criticism and you are a cyberbully.




Overall... You just can't win!!


xoxo
Ysan

hmm...

上個月吧，明明約好某一天晚上看電影，想過過久違的二人世界
哪知收到信息說他會遲點接我，為的是去毉院探望他的下屬，
也不知他發生甚麽事突然進院這樣嚴重

一把無名火快速燃燒了我整個腦袋，很悶很悶
還是打了通電話問他比較實在，他說可能閙自殺吧？
我愣了一下，
一個大好青年，樣子不錯又有穩定的事業啊，干嘛自殺呢？


這個時候比較下來，
還是做好奇心強烈的pat po 好過做在電話亂罵一通的潑婦
好吧好吧，去吧去吧
（扮到一副我很明白很体諒的樣子XD）


好不容易他出現在我家門口，上了車就問長問短
哎，原來只是感情問題吞了20粒安眠藥送去毉院洗胃，
沒事，還可以抽煙 ==


根據男人的陳述，事情是這樣的：

這位同事A 因爲女友有許多要好的男性朋友而吃醋，
（說到這，突然覺得有一道很有怨念的眼神盯著我，
我大笑，我才不理咧) skip skip skip!

應該是忍了很久就吵架吧，然後女友提出分手之類的話，
就威脅女友說如果分手，他就自殺


剛好男人看他的時候，那女友也在。
A當然苦苦挨求的做出挽回
那女友跟男人說，已經不是第一次了，
上次還拿刀割自己呢，也弄傷了她
這次她決定了一定要一刀兩斷，
她怕不知有一天一起睡覺的時候，A又會想歪一邊，
脾氣一上來殺了她再自殺怎麽辦？
（對，我差點舉起雙腳表示贊同）

女友說她很怕了，她的朋友們也不支持又在一起下去等等
A 哭喪了臉表示一定會改，這次一定會，
對著男人的面發誓再也不犯


（男人在一直一旁，當觀衆法官，
偷偷趁女友不注意一直罵那只‘粉腸’，
叫他不要再演了！當他是蠢的嗎？！）

而在我面前，扮演那一男一女，
把所有對白還有表情哭腔一字不漏給我講
我笑歪了！天啊，我覺得我好壞哦>< ）


繼續~！

那女友過後先離開了，男人回去看他根本沒事在抽著煙
他跟男人說：老大，其實我沒有想要吃的，
只是她甚麽都不表示， 就想如果不真做的話就真的很衰仔，所以就吞了。

我的天啊！面子真的有那麽重要嗎？

故事說完，又用那很怨念的眼光投向我，

對他大喊：干嘛？我又沒閙過自殺。無聊。我不會為了這樣而去死的咯，你慢慢等。
哈哈！

然後跟他打賭說他們會不會復合。
男人賭說不會復合了，那女友都說到這樣了。
我卻賭說，不到三天，他們一定再回一起，
而且還會為了同一件事情沒完沒了


到底誰才是贏家呢？
：
：
：
：
：
：
：
V
deng deng deng deng,
當然是充滿智慧的我勝出了 *驕傲哪~*
男人還很不甘願的說那天看到他女友載他去上班
哈哈哈，涼了涼了！！


其實不難猜啊，這是一個心理病，
A 閙自殺威脅，偏激到這种程度就已經是讓人覺得嘔心，
已經有太多版本讓我們看了，
閙得最大的是個年經人自拍在面子書那件事
很多人感到婉惜心痛，我更覺得是愚蠢，替那女生覺得無辜，
他那樣做是要讓那女生根本帶著這份愧疚過一生，
而他明明是本身問題，太過偏激

如果欠的是情，無需等到下一世才討回
這一世也可以

情債今世欠今世了


而那女友呢，她已經離不開這樣的自孽生活，況且還不止一次

說真的有些女生特別愛自孽，
不管是心理，身体，還是生活上
她們覺得這樣讓自己比較好過，
或者認定這樣承受痛苦是愛的表現，是真愛

其實是病態！

她們縂有一絲希望，希望她們的痛苦得到他人憐愛
尤其是自己最愛的人
無意或有意之間，她們要她們在乎的人知道她們所承受的，
然後覺得自己可憐到極點，就為了要得到更多更多的愛

其實她們真的可憐，因爲她們愛上了自孽！


為甚麽我會了解？

很多年前，我也曾經渴望得到一些人的愛，
很渴望很渴望很渴望過，很他媽的渴望過！

只是我不會表達，我只會所有表現在心里


過後遇上這個男人，他是個不好，很坏的人，
但他懂很多很多東西，有很強的觀察力，有很清晰很理智的腦袋
所以他從來都睡不好，只有在我身邊，他會輕鬆一些，睡穩一些

他教我怎樣去獨立，當我很傻不會為自己想的時候罵我到很慘
他教會我自私，教會我做任何事不用依賴他，
因爲他很忙，錢對他來説很重要，因爲他窮過
也教會我，除了愛情，很多事情也很重要，讓我把中心分散在不同地方

他也讓我知道，原來我是多麽好多麽出色的一個人。
從來不拿我跟誰誰誰比較，
因爲對他來説，我是他的天使

我才知道，對他，我是那麽的好，那麽的珍貴

晚安

姍筆

若说有一种爱，只能用毁灭才能完美，

　　它叫做绝恋

　　不悔亦无怨

-----------------------------------------

男人又出國去了，假期陪了我幾天就是要縫住我嘴巴，

畢竟出國四五天，

天曉得我會瘋掉，脾氣會很不好，

我就是要他無時無刻在我身邊嘛！這個男人怎麽就不明白呢？

最近很幸福，只要他在，

只要不吵架，我很平靜

只要吃一餐飯，他在我耳邊嘰嘰咂咂講個不停，

我都覺得很踏實。

他很疼我，有時我會覺得我的存在是為了折磨他，

我會刁蠻得不像人，會離譜得要他甚麽都要讓著我，

會不明不白給他個悶虧吃

為什麽？因爲我仗著他寵我的心態

我要寫在這裡，不想有一天忘了他對自己的好，

不想因爲他寵我，我就變得不是自己

那一天，不會有的

p/s: 別人經常問我，跟他在一起幾久了

其實我不會答，因爲在一起久到我不會算

四年多？五年多？六年？真的不清楚了

晚安

姍筆

人说女人一生中有三个男人,

一个是你爱的，

一个是爱你的，

最后一个是和你结婚的,

如果三个男人是同一人，

那便是女人梦寐以求的幸福。

如果在这样的幸福下，

又出现一个爱你的男人,

又会如何？